Bill's Blog

I've never considered myself to have any words of wisdom, but I do consider myself a person who truly "attempts" to seek spiritual wisdom (not yet obtained!), so I would like to humbly offer here a thought, or perhaps better said a feeling, that has arisen from somewhere within since reading your questions, and to be honest from soon after listening to an Elvis Presely song that for some reason brought about the exact same feeling: "If I Can Dream". Perhaps the reason it is hard on you when you seem to lose people is due to the great reality that lives, noticed or not, in the depths of humanities soul that knows and deeply desires for us to ALL be connected TOGETHER, a togetherness given into the hearts of all people in all places in all times from the One who created us all through the ages. We live in a terrible darkness that hungers to destroy us with doubt and fear and loneliness;  the great opposite is the Light that beckons unto us all, and in us all we are each other looking for, and maybe even unknown seeing, that very Light that is the very hope of All that we are, and while we are here and can walk and talk and dream and just live and do something with and for each other it connects us and fulfills our greatest need, for love, that when even a small portion of that is taken away, in any way, for any reason, we deeply miss, and hurt for the love of life, that lights our lives up that is no longer there, or has been somehow dimmed. Deep in our hearts amongst all the dread questions and fearful doubts is the unquenchable hope , planted by our God, that we all belong together, and someday will all be in perfect relationship and love. When we have good relationships here and now we in some ineffable sense glimpse and taste that perfect relationship we so deeply desire, and when any of that is lost or broken it hurts, even to some level perhaps angers us in the frustration of what we were created for that we yet do not possess. The only help I can offer is to say may God help us to honestly, openly, truly love each other while we have the chance, for we can not know when any relationship will cease, we can only continue to hope in the Christ that one day all relationships will be restored to perfection, best of all each of ours with him.

Wow! I think that is true.  Within us all is a desire for unification--perhaps even the unification of all things.  Yet we cannot possess this.  It evades us. This brings such existential disappointment. I suspect we have to figure out how to let people go because of this reality.  But I protest. I don't like it.  I want to draw the whole world unto myself.  Isn't it interesting that the gospel of John speaks of the cross as the place where the whole world is drawn to God.,  "When I am lifted up, I will drawn the whole unto myself." I suppose it is only God who is responsible for the world's unity.  It will forever evade us/

I have been there with you Pastor Bill, I have been to a couple of churches in my life and the one that I grew up in, I was still attending until they decided to join the church that was the first.
It was hard to go to that church knowing that is where my mother and father had been member's of for a real long time. My mother never returned to that church because she always felt that maybe the people their would form an opinion of her as my mother and father were seperated us.
I knew a lot of the elders there and it was hard to watch and see that some of them had passed away and some just moved on. We didn't have much of a youth group there and some of the kids that went to church there were kids I grew up with.
I am pleased that being out of a church loop for 16 years, I have finally come back into God's house and I feel so good when I get to leave at my leasure.
I listen intently to the passages from the bible and the sermons that are being told and not preached. When I was younger I really didn't pay that much attention to the Minister as he would always be the one that made you feel as if you had done something bad even when you just walked in the door.
I like that we raise our voices to sing and praise God with our voices and even when some of us think we don't have a good voice we do our best to blend in with the rest of the congregation. I believe that we all should always raise our voivces to sing out loud to the Lord as it was Him who gave us our voice.
I am grateful for every Sunday to wake up and know that I can celebrate a day for God and not always on Sunday's but also during the week.
Sometimes I think that we as people are sometimes "Give and inch and we take the mile", by that I mean sometimes we take God and the fact we attend a church for granted. Do we realize that we are given so much.
A few examples are: Walking, Talking, Breathing on our own, Hearing, Seeing, the use of our limbs, and to wake up to a new day and a new start. That is just very few but do we take them into an account, most of the time No, because we always want more out of life.
What do we give in return? Well most of the time we are complaining about something and most of the time it's something that is so trivial. We complain about the minor pains we feel, we complain when it rains and we wanted sunshine, we say hurtful things about other people and we may not even know them or when we do know them, we feel that gives us even all the more reason to do it.
We can't ever make people what we want from them, but the best part of life is we can forgive them, and love them, as Christ has loved us and forgiven us. We most forget the judgements we pass onto other people, we know that there is only one judge in our lives.
We are unified in God and we may seem or act different on the outside but on the inside we are all the same and we are all human and vulernable. God created us this way for His reason's, it's up to us to accept that or not.
Sometimes people move in and out of our lives so rapidly we don't take the time to understand or even get to know them. It's like when we share the peace at church, I want to know the person that I am shaking hands with and not just the people I have come to know but even the one's that aren't all that familure to me, so I do my best to reach out to people that I haven't seen or know. I am always wishing that when we share the peace that it would last longer than it does, it takes a lot of time to reach to all the people in church, but I do my best to reach to people I haven't reached out to before.
Thank you Pastor Bill for your help in providing a wonderful place of worship. It's great to know that when you walk through the doors that no one is judging you or making you feel as if you did something bad.

Thanks for your response.  I appreciate the fact that you "get" how important community is.

Wow wonderful responses.  I am truly impressed with the thought and feelings that went into the responses. 

I think too that it may be very simple.  I speak for myself only when I say that life has a way of throwing a wrench in the works.  Over the past few months, due to my disability, I have experienced four surgeries and three trips to Philly for more medical care.  Add sick children, a sick husband, and thankfully, a much needed get-away with my husband and before you know it, it's been months of sporadic attendance.  All of this has taken me away from my Sunday's with God and my congregation.  Not one to whine and I hate being fussed over (I won't even let my husband take FMLA to care for me after surgery), I don't call for home communion due to still feeling the effects of the anesthesia and the pain from the surgeries, and I certainly wouldn't want my name in the bulletin for prayers of healing (it precedes the fussing LOL).  I miss the love and connection of the church but it's been an uphill struggle for a while now.  Thankfully, God is always with me no matter where I go, no matter what I am doing, so whether I am in church on Sunday, on the road traveling back and forth to Philly, or recovering from yet another surgery, He is always there for me.  He, I don't mind fussing over me... he does it in a quiet, non-invasive way LOL!  And thankfully, there is now an end in sight to all the medical issues.  Oh they won't go away, but we are now nearing the end of the road for treatment of any kind (well that is until they perfect the brain surgery for my condition in about ten years!).  Once all medical options are exhausted, then I can get back to my life and my relationship with God through His congregation without lawyers, doctors and the workers compensation system breathing down my neck and scheduling my life and my relationship with Christ!  I guess sometimes it's not that some have walked away, it's that life has been jacking up the works, clogging up the pipes and generally interfering with what we truly want for ourselves.  Of course because I hate all the fussing, when I have been in church, I look the perfect picture of health (the myriad of medications and pain pills help immensely!).  The image is, I admit, deliberate and quite an effort and maybe the image I portray is to blame for some of your insecurity.   But the last thing I want is anyone worrying or fussing.  I could have called you to explain.  And I guess  I should have, so I will take responsibility for my part in your feelings on this matter.   I am sorry that my lack of communication with you only furthers a blog like this one. 

You should know however, that your investment is never lost on anyone.  It's appreciated whether you know it or not.  Whether you feel it or not.  Please don't doubt your personal value.  I'm sure that some just walk away but even then, I guarantee you've left an impression.  But some, I know from my personal experience, just seem to get their tea cup of life turned upside down by the needs of society.  I rest assured knowing God loves me and that I am ordered by Him to give unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is God's.  I know my Savior has watched over me as I have battled through these last few months with the strength of David facing Goliath.  So even though my wonderful Pastor may not fully grasp the "why's" of why I've been absent in being, you can rest assured that  I have been there every single Sunday in spirit :-)